Love, Loss and Happiness

In life, we may experience many incidents of loss. We experience a sense of loss when we move from one situation or phase to another. We may feel a sense of loss graduating from school, from assuming a new identity being in the workforce vs. being a student. We may experience a sense of loss after we experience a breakup in a relationship, or from being single to being married or becoming a mother. Psychologically, we experience deep loss growing up in different phases of our aging journey. As with all things in life, the day something is born, it is moving towards its death. Life is a never-ending cycle of growth, change, birth and death. As we evolve through the different ‘milestones’ of our life, we have the opportunity to become more creative, more vibrant, live more dynamically, with more wisdom, more love, more understanding, cuz' experiences have the power to cause our psyche to expand, to integrate an understanding of the greater mystery of life; yet it can only happen if we're willing to keep our heart open.

Recently, I’ve experienced some interesting coincidences which brought light to a situation in my life. Within a short period of several weeks, I met up with two friends (who I have not been in touch with for several years) separately, and both shared with me over a brief lunch, how they have had to communicate with a past lover from (both with whom they had broken up with more than 8 years ago) and the interaction, for one of them, brought back old unhappy emotions while the other has been unhappy for a prolonged period of time and the communication (after 8 years!) helped her finally move on. Coincidentally, I’ve also been in touch with a boyfriend from the past (again many many years ago) and had experienced a re-surfacing of old unhealed pain through such contact. The pain which I have run away from many years ago re-surfaced and I now have no place to hide but to face it and make the best use of it as possible. Another coincidence of this is that, exactly 12years ago, which is the length of a Chinese astrology cycle, was exactly the time of the onset of such emotions, even the timing of the months coincided with the time they re-surfaced this year! A while ago, I was re-reading one of my Chinese astrology books and I learnt that, according to astrology, what we sow in one point of time, will manifest in another point in time according to specific time cycles. What I have not learnt to face or cope with as a teenager (12 years ago!) I’m learning to face and accept now. The emotions that surfaced felt so fresh it is as if everything had only just happened like yesterday! Having said that, this does not mean I should let myself immerse in the painful emotions. The emotions only had to re-surface because I had not fully grown from the experience from which they were sourced. As much as negative emotions don’t make you feel great, they serve us also in some way. Our pain can lead us to our wisdom, our strength, our compassion, our healing. With every loss, there is also probably a gain. Perhaps we lose a bit of our naivete (or a lot of it for some?) from being young, and gain a lil’ more wisdom from an adult life of toiling in the outerworld of achievements and glamour. We may lose the love, fun, pleasure and drama of being in a relationship but gain a lil’ more autonomy, a dash of loneliness (i'm being sarcastic but loneliness can't be so bad either!) and more freedom from being unattached. With the loss of a loved one (were it a death), the sense of loss can be truly overwhelming; yet if one can holistically move through the grieving process (please seek help if you are stuck!), we may gain a deeper reverence, understanding and greater cherishment for life.

And guess what, happiness is always a by-product of any experience, if you’re willing to let each experience touch you in your heart.